4.07.2017

23 Spotify playlists
13 poems
5 concerts
3 zoo visits
1 crumb cake
35 clementines
10 bloody marys 
8 brunches
19 dinners
1 orchid evening
1 full day of S-town
2 fixed doors
3 breakfasts
5 taxis
1 mailed card
2 books
4 movies
1 boat
2 NPR show tapings 
3 German pretzels
3 tv series
65 jelly beans
1 hand delivered pineapple

2 months between 2 hearts ❤❤

3.20.2017

municipal birds
chirping wildly with
the melting snow

friday nights drift
into saturdays
slow mornings

brunch on the block
in the 80's

"i wanna dance with somebody"
i wanna split pancakes with somebody

mani/pedi kiss
see you laters

air plant surprise
and unplayed jukebox
entries

coffee shakes and
crack pie
and
coffee stout near Tuxedo park

romantic light
and
romantic conversation
about
the romantics we both are
to
each other

steak and mac and cheese and
brussel sprouts
stinky liquor and
elevator bathrooms
and
cab rides to the bedroom.

man, we're so good at
weekending.

3.06.2017

I'm bursting

saturday mid afternoon
carried by the light
and your arms
and 3pm urges

we move in ways
we move in wants
we move
until we are still
but yearning for more


and so now
among the thoughts of
Get Out hand holding
Iona leg rubbing
Full Circle knee bumping
Greenpoint Fish and Lobster food sharing
NYBG Orchid evening photographing
and
Sunday Morning snuggling

are

two playlists
after
chance elevator encounters
with
missed opportunities
two racing hearts
behind closed doors.

3.01.2017

2.20.2017

this heart rate monitor did not sign up for this.

circles and circles and circles and circles
around the upper east side

the humid lemurs sleep

penguin smiles
and
pig hairdos

it's no shirt volleyball weather
in mid February

perfect for slow apple picking portrait strolls
and
cold rock sitting stories of the mental health of art

4 hours is so long to wait
to
kiss him again.

FDR drive memories
to Troy
The Sopranos
The Great Bridge

he helps me exit the car.


Oscar Nominated Animated Shorts
at
Alamo
with
boozy shakes and
eating so quickly
so that
i can hold
his hand
again.





2.17.2017

all are equal to a falling raindrop

i need an arepa
and
a knitting
emoji.

is it Saturday, yet?

lunch brings pleasures and pains.
beside him.


he likes my mini golf idea.


The Beach is read and watched
1/4 of the way through.

March Saturdays are
free

and

we

we

we

we. WE.

will spend one of them
at
the NYBG
Orchid Evenings.

Thailand Theme.

him: "This is lovely! You're endlessly thoughtful. I can't wait."

So I quickly run
into the hall
to
slow walk and
smile big.

hashtag Is this real life?


2.16.2017

in the car
in the bathtub
in the cold heat

in the living room
in the kitchen
in my bed

catching up on This Is Us

i wait


i'm hung over
and
exhausted
and
ready to shut my eyes


my wrist vibrates
with his name.

and

he makes plans like i make plans.


2.15.2017

after work drink at Sunny's in Red Hook
the sailors and Etta
and
pick up line competitions smelling of BO

Narragansett sing along
tiny dancer
on
the toilet ledge

i had my first cigarette in 6 years.

whiskey came
unordered
and
went
graciously between Scott and Nick

but

neither mattered.

so i stood and stood
and
we laughed and laughed
and
talked boats until my fingers felt drunk

smiles meant for
the dedication pages of The Beach

he offered
i grinned.

Patagonia maps
and
moaning wails
and
i keep looking towards the door
because i cannot contain
anything
nor
do i care

so we hop on a boat
and
another boat
and
another boat
and
i did not wear the right shoes for this.

gloveless we huddled
in the rear of the vessel
and
came upon
her.
there
in the East River.

glowing.
i'm glowing.
we're glowing.
she's glowing.
our hands. locked. tight.

my teeth were frozen
and
my eyeballs full of water
and
his eyeballs.

first kisses
should always
be on a boat

in the middle of the east river
in the middle of winter
in the middle of the night.

on Valentine's Day.

2.06.2017

I want something to rely on.




phone calls from a ghost
familiar and fun


i find myself, again.


i repeat and repeat and repeat

and re-pot and re-pot and re-pot
and
mourn


throw away the microwave
and
any attempt


care for a 90 year old stranger
and my father
and my soul
through an unfunny matinee



i move through the apartment quietly
as though
nothing ever happened here.


i drink from the water bottle
and
sleep under colder sheets


what keeps us moving?

it can't be silence.
it can't be neglect.
it can't be hope.


because i hoped and hoped and hoped.


11.29.2016

1.01.2016

Awe.

Last week, I read an article that told me it would be good exercise for my brain if I could find something to be in awe of every single day. While focusing on this directive over the past several days, I've realized that I've already participated in this type of activity, daily, for most of my life. Whether it be watching a Facebook video of a dancer performing a difficult routine, or seeing a stranger help another stranger on the street, or being as still as possible while Dylan sleeps in my arms and snores through his tiny Yorkie nose. If you take the time to appreciate things, they'll easily fill your heart to maximum capacity and make your brain process everything a little more intensely. Let those little things tickle your senses until they penetrate your organs, then let them resonate there for however long you have to savor them. That's awe.

10.01.2014

I have
my grandmother's nose
and
one-way texts.

Ravioli pizza
with another
tastes just the same.

I'm motosuzy
and
suzypineapples
but
not the girl who hurt you.

but
you won't let me be me
and
you'll say that I don't like you
and
you'll give up on all of those times

singing children's songs in the '29
spinning across the seat of the Merc
go karts and drive-ins
90's tunes in bed
Jumbo junior
Italian ices and bocce ball
slow drives on the north shore
spotify playlists
and
singing wildly on the ride home from the shack upstate.
stoop sitting silhouettes
and
root beer drinking lovers
with raccoon skulls
and
dirty birds
and
so
much
love.

9.28.2014

it's
head on door
shallow breath
dead armed
you just left
despair.

it's
i love you
and
you love me
and
i'll call you
sometime
this week
despair.


it's
texts about
benches
peaches
songs
poems
ducatis
fxrs
birthdays
daughters
curly blond hair
and
gold star
despair.

it's
everything
and
nothing.

you're
everything
and
nothing.

and

i'm here
behind this door
unable to move.

8.19.2014

you whistle
i'll hum
a dreamy lil lullaby
somewhere across the sea

french films
full of romance
and
duke ellington.

tall mannequins
relocated
without arms

peekaboos and a coochy coochy coos
for awkward laughs
before we change rooms

and you take off your boots.

winnie the poohing
you'll stay a little longer

tonight,
you belong to me.

8.14.2014

breathing in the night
the heaviness
created by our four lips.

we creep forward
and back
and up to floor 4.


you'll buy a couch
and
i'll walk with a ghost
on a crisp August afternoon
out east and down south.

craving the intimacy
less than a day old.


and i'll smile
this smile

born from the thoughts of
your hand on my thigh
and
the sound of you whistling
and
the way you look at me
when

we're making up.

8.07.2014

Somewhere lurking through the welcomed phone calls was a sneaky post on social media. He's got a couple of hotrod Fords and I've got a year old Ducati. We've got Willie and Dylan and peek-a-boos and twisting rings. Late nights belong to my couch and the horrid stench of smoke on his hands. We'll buy a birth gun for Rambo and watch the old timers play bocce on the water in Queens. He'll pretend to be re-building a Triumph while I pretend that it's fine that he doesn't ride. And we'll dance to Doo Wop with our shoulders. He'll spin me across the bench seat of his '51 Merc while we drive through the country on Saturdays and Sundays. My cheeks will burn from smiling and I'll yearn for his touch while resonating in the stillness that he hates. And we'll fuss and fuss and fuss on Wednesdays. Before and after movie night. When our bellies are full and off limits to raspberries. Because there's a sweetness that we can't let go and a playfulness we keep it tucked behind. He'll tell me to be careful in a tone that really actually means that he means it. He means it. And I swoon.

12.11.2013

Suz.✌💛🐶☀🍍 shared an Instagram photo with you

Hello,

Suz.✌💛🐶☀🍍 just shared an Instagram photo with you:


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"No sleep til tiger hat!! Kinda proud of myself for designing and executing this in one night. Details to come... #peacockandpineapples #handknit #originaldesign #organiccotton 🐯🍍"

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The Instagram Team

12.06.2013

Suz.✌💛🐶☀🍍 shared an Instagram photo with you

Hello,

Suz.✌💛🐶☀🍍 just shared an Instagram photo with you:


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"❤️ #peacockandpineapples 🍍"

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The Instagram Team

11.25.2013

Suz.✌💛🐶☀🍍 shared an Instagram photo with you

Hello,

Suz.✌💛🐶☀🍍 just shared an Instagram photo with you:


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"Best surprise from the best boyfriend in the history of the world. I'm one goddamn lucky lady. 💕💛💏🎤🎶"

Thanks,
The Instagram Team