heart beating out of my chest,
from a text,
and i couldn't breathe.
yet...
it gave me life.

i won't stop.
all of my life.
pretending.

the mornings have been
silent.

and i wonder if it was all a
dream.

all of it.

.ilfy.

.

to: you, love: me.

driving south over the LIE.
i look to the left into the vast emptiness of the 10 lanes.
it sweeps over me like a tidal wave.


simple twist of fate comes on the radio.

and i am still.

starts with "w".

you can learn so much about someone.
by the books they keep.
and display.
and love.

and the cds.
towers of cds.
with a Piebald disclaimer.
out of order.

and how they own.
every single one.
of your favorite movies.
on DVD.

and the lefty guitars.
and the camera's.
from film to digital.
all over the bed.

Wagner.
Ivan.
Gozer.
Suz.

and just.
the fact.
that they.

let me in.

last night.

texts.
backwards diner menu.
denim jackets.
hats.
pizza bagel.
grilled cheese.
fries.
coffeecoffee.
school.
dogs.
horseback riding.
swimming.
music.
music.
music.

at the hop.
in my car.

mixed cd.
all the way through.
and
that teenage feeling.

don't know why.

coping mechanism.
i suppose.


one pack.
and
laughs.

with comforting jokes and quotes.

from those you keep track of.
via
facebook.
and
texts.
and

sometimes.

when you're feeling real.



face to face.

there is always

that

what if?

maybe?

but probably never.


situation.
that you forget about after a while.

then
seemingly, out of nowhere.


here.




now.

what to do.
what to do.

I have been trying so hard to spend money this weekend.

Drinking.
Sushi.
More drinking.
Movie.

Haven't spent a dime.

I'm a lucky gal.

the best feeling in the world.

when someone you admire,
tells you that you had a creative impact on their life.

and

how it stopped when you exited.

but, now
that you've re-appeared,

there's the prospect of it coming back.

Leaving.
Tonight.

Going.
to.

.Barcelona.

Four Days.

Catch you on the flip.