now really, i've just figured it all out.
i really really have.
it's been years of wanting, and wanting, and not having, and it's so apparent that i'm crazy.
you always want what you can't have, we know this, we all know this. it works with everything. so, i spend my time trying to replace the one thing i can't have with many, many, things that i can have, in turn, boring the hell out of myself with empty substitutes.
now, i can't say that i haven't known this for a while. i have. and i'm pretty sure i've brought it up, at least once. perhaps thats where we would find the "gap in history." actually, i know that's where we've hidden it.
but there was one weekend, one dance, one walk, one friend, that made me remember what it feels like to truly truly desire. how pleasantly painfull it all was.
you always want what you can't have...that's goddamn right.