Last night.

Him: I'm sorry, I smell like beer, cigarettes, and gasoline.
Me: I can only smell boston kreme's.

Him: I have Bailey's in my car.
Me: But I'm drinking tea!

Him: I don't mean to sound arrogant.
Me: Go right ahead, I'm a music snob too.
Him: Where did you come from?
Me: Lindenhurst.
Him: Besides that.
Me: 1952.

Him: I got a New York City Library Card today.
Me: That place is haunted.
Him: Really?
Him: OH! Ghostbusters!!
Me: Beware of flying books.

Him: (puts a ton of keys down on the table)
Me: What are you, a Janitor?
Him: They're called Custodians now.
Me: Fucking A. Waiter - Server, Janitor - Custodian, I keep offending people.