Christmas. 2010.

Blizzard.
Bellies stuffed with italian holiday cooking.

Tums.

Hearts on airplanes.
In wrong cities/countries.

All unaware.

Chocolate chip cookies.

Checking in on Chris.
To make sure he's not dead.
and
Still sober.
and
Hasn't checked facebook.
and
Has somehow missed the update.
that
The love of his life has gotten engaged.
To my ex.

Irony.

Paralell parking at my childhood home.
Perpendicular to my parents cars.

Getting high with my folks.
and
Attempting to play "Uno flash".

Failing miserably.

At the dinner table.

My mom rolls one hell of a joint.

"My Dearest Friend" - Devendra Banhart

notable.

i was feeling quite bummed before haldun called.
then we had a funny hat fashion show.
and
he talked about his bigote.

san fran, to dallas, to brooklyn, to madrid, to turkey, to philly, to brooklyn.

making things.
watching the knicks.
eating chinese.
smoking.
drinking.
imagining things differently.

and

not
giving
up.

punched directly in the gut
after opening my mailbox.

the walk upstairs seemed like it took forever.
or
a heartbeat.

and then inside.
bundled in my coat and hood.
my fingers too numb to rip the envelope.

and i began to cry.
immediately.
before unfolding.

then my breath was gone.
and
i was on the floor.
on my knees.

with a puppy licking the tears.

i'm making these ornaments to put into christmas cards that i'm sending to friends.

the snowflakes are cut out from anthropologie magazines (i had a wooden snowflake, and i used an x-acto knife for cutting), then placed on top of a solid construction paper circle that i cut out using fancy scissors. i used modge podge (over the entire snowflake and background) to glue them together. i try to use yarn in everything i make, so i used yarn to make the loop from which they will hang. i hope they are a hit!!

today feels wrong.

i'd like to re-do the last 24 hours,
but what would that change?

sometimes you need that push.
to realize.
you're dreaming.

and

sometimes you need that pull.
to
keep you alive.

Friday Song.