my cabbage tastes like bacon.
and
there is ham in his potato salad.

i cook fresh beets with the anticipation of pink urine.

dogs don't need professional haircuts.
when you are in possession of 5 different types of scissors.

snot shooting out of my brain every time i sneeze, which is every 5 mins.

i finally set up my etsy shop this weekend.

at least i got dressed today.

aaaachhooooooo.