it's strange.
when your ex-fiance.
who you haven't spoken to in over 3 years.
texts you from their new number.
and won't tell you it's them.

cook book.

Ian and I were just discussing that we love to cook, but we hate cooking for one, so we resort to the following dinners more often than we'd like to admit.


1. bowl of cereal.
2. grilled cheese.
3. pastina.
4. P B & J, or H, or H and C.
5. container of chocolate frosting.
6. combination of crackers, cookies and whatever you have in the fridge.
7. pickles.
8. overripe banana.
9. cheez-its.
10. frozen veggie burger, microwaved, on a plate with ketchup. no bun.


this list could probably go on and on.

just ridiculous.

everything.


why am i the one apologizing?
i don't have to prove myself to anyone. Ever.

something has changed.

maybe i'm crazy.


in other news.
if Erik flakes,
i'll be driving to Newport alone on Saturday.
while
spending the day
wishing you were there.

i am killing my tv this week.

i have too much to do.
and
so much that i want done.


i spent the weekend being exhausted.

being so busy is a good way to keep my mind off of other things.
things that i, sadly, cannot control.

like
how much i miss you.




because, if it were up to me...
well, it's not.


i lost it this weekend.
i lost it forever.

i searched my sheets.
the street.
the couch.
the bathroom floor.

and cried my cowgirl eyes out.